Yesterday I returned the breast pump to the hospital. It effected me in a way I could have never imagined. As I got on the elevator I had a feeling of nervousness. As the doors opened on the third floor and I saw the Labor and Delivery sign I felt sad that I was about to give up the only connection I had left to Valley Hospital. I had never thought about that before that second but I started to get upset. I wanted to be there having my baby again and hear the chimes go off. I started hoping that one of the doctors, maternity/postpartum nurses, NICU nurses would come out so I could say hello. I wanted Marnie or Jill (our favorite nurses Jackson had) to walk through the double doors and recognize me and ask how Jackson was doing. I wanted to show them pictures of our little man and thank them!
The clerk came back to me with the receipt for my pump and in a matter or minutes I was back in the elevator pushing the L button to return to my car. I didn't see anyone I knew, in fact there were a lot of unfamiliar faces. I stepped into the elevator and began to cry.
I don't want to go through the omphalocele part again, obviously, but being in labor, having Jackson, seeing his little face for the first time, saying his name, and holding him all swaddled up...YEP, I could do that again...now could Chris?!